Golf: Treachery at Foot

Golf looks like quite a civilized sport on TV.  Little white balls being hit by mostly little white men in plaid pants and other uppity looking clothing.  We never see anything go wrong in golf.  There’s no one getting tackled, no broken legs, hardly ever even any injuries to speak of.  And then you realize that those are professional athletes, and that they are just as well trained as any other sport.  And then you go out and do it and you start to realize just how dangerous this little sport can be.


I had a friend that I knew that played some golf competitively in high school.  The guy had one of the very worst tempers in the world.  I’m sure he’d hurt himself plenty of times before, but this time wasn’t directly imposed upon him.  It may well have been his stupidity, but it’s not like he himself in the head with a club.  While playing a game of skins for money with his friend, he hit one of his ridiculously expensive $15 balls out of bounds, which was located across a barb wire fence.  Instead of deciding that it would be too risky to get the ball, he decided to get it anyway.  Well, as he tried to step over the fence, he slipped and got his leg caught in the barb wire.  Not a good feeling at all, as I can attest.  He ended up doing damage to his golf pants and he ended up getting a tetanus shot… for $15.  He got his ball, but he nearly lost his.


Another story that comes to mind to illustrate just how dangerous golf relates to the fact that most clubs allow players to drink while they are out on the course.  Now, if you happen to be near a group that is drinking, you get to see this phenomenon.  The first 4 or 5 holes are going fine for them.  They’re hitting it pretty well.  But then they start to get more and more drunk… now you’re in danger of being run over by the cart, being hit by a thrown club, or whacked with that tiny dimpled golf ball.  I was nearly run over by a group of these whackos one time when I was walking to my ball.  Let’s just say that I decided to let them play through!


As a semi-regular golfer I’ve also seen my fair share of fat guys hitting the course.  They come out there and think they’re a fix between Mark McGwire and Tiger Woods. They hit the ball 300 yards off the tee (150 yards of that is to the right of the fairway).  But then they start to get tired.  And they end up passing out on you because you didn’t get a cart that day or you weren’t able to get one during that time.  As I’ve said before to friends: the best way to protect yourself is to never play golf, unless you want to see or do some of these things!